Crow's Feet

I spent this Easter at my mom’s. Around 5:00, we went to a park, took some pictures, ate ice cream, and then went home to make tacos. It was definitely one of the better days I’ve had this year.  This is my favorite picture from that afternoon.

I’ve stared at this picture a few times since that day. That’s a whole lot of cuteness, but I was looking most intently at my mother’s face.

I don't have many pictures with my grandmother, so this is a treat for my kids and my niece, even though they don’t understand that now.  I remember my grandmother's hands, though. They were strong, and although she used them a lot, there wasn’t a single callous on them. I have a birthmark on my left hand that is almost identical to one that she had. I watched those hands cook, and braid hair, and spank, and sneak money into mine. A grandmother’s work. Sometimes, when I need to remember her, I close my eyes and I always start with her hands. That’s what I remember most vividly about her.

My daughter is just shy of her first birthday. On the day that she reaches her one-year milestone next month, my grandmother will have been gone for 10 years. Time is a fickle friend; it has brought me both my sweetest dreams, and my darkest nightmares. On that day, I will live in the glow of one, and the shadow of the other. My mommy will be there; it is likely that she will cry, but certain that she will smile. And that smile will reach her eyes as it always does when she looks at her grandchildren. It might even cause the skin around her eyes to wrinkle with joy. Crow’s feet.

I speak to my mother every day, several times a day. I think I know her better than I know myself, but not nearly as well as she knows me. I doubt, however, that she heard my breath catch when she said to me last month, “I’ve noticed some crow’s feet around my eyes.” Because for me, they don’t speak to how old she is, they speak to how loved she is. They evidence a smile that has reached her eyes countless times, and a light that she has cast on me for all my days.

So in a few weeks’ time, we’ll celebrate my Aubbie’s first birthday. Like I’ve done in so many pivotal moments in my life, I will look for my mother’s smile, the one that always reaches the corners of her eyes. And I will know that no matter what life brings, or when it brings it, I will always be thankful for those crow’s feet. And like my grandmother's hands, I will always remember them.